Dividing Duties

Parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences, but it can also be one of the most exhausting. When one parent feels like they’re carrying more than their share, resentment can build quickly. Dividing duties fairly is not about splitting everything 50/50. Instead, it’s about finding balance, communicating openly, and recognising that fairness often looks different depending on your family’s circumstances.

Why Fair Division Matters

Resentment doesn’t happen overnight. It builds when one partner feels unseen or unsupported. Sharing the parenting load makes family life smoother, strengthens your relationship, and sets a positive example for your children about teamwork and respect.

This is especially important during the postpartum period, when mum is physically recovering and adjusting emotionally. Supporting her needs, whether that means stocking up on maternity underwear postpartum, using postpartum recovery underwear, or ensuring she has time to rest, is just as valuable as changing nappies or rocking the baby to sleep.

Communicate Openly From the Start

The first step in dividing parenting duties fairly is clear communication. Sit down together and list all the daily tasks, from feeding and changing nappies to cleaning bottles and preparing meals. Often, invisible labour such as remembering appointments or packing the nappy bag falls to one parent. Making it visible helps to ensure responsibilities are not overlooked.

It is also important to express what you are struggling with. If you are physically healing, perhaps from a caesarean birth, using postpartum disposable underwear and postpartum pads may be part of your daily reality. Your partner needs to understand that your body is still in recovery, and taking on extra household duties during this stage is an act of care for the whole family.

Practical Ways to Share the Load:

From Nappy Changes to Self Care Moments

It’s easy to say “let’s share the duties,” but what does that look like in real life? Here are some examples of how to delegate in a way that feels supportive:

• Feeding the baby: If Mum is breastfeeding, your partner can handle winding the baby, changing nappies before or after feeds, or bringing snacks and water while she feeds. If bottle feeding, sharing the night feeds so Mum can rest in postpartum disposable underwear without worrying about leaky sheets or constant interruptions.
• Household chores: While Mum settles the baby for a nap, your partner can tidy the kitchen, prep dinner, or hang out the washing. These small actions make a big difference in reducing mental load.
• Night routines: If Mum is up during the night, have your partner take responsibility for early mornings with the baby so she can sleep in.
• Self-care breaks and disposable underwear: If Mum is having a shower or catching up on rest why not dad manage tummy time or a walk around the block with the pram.

Stay-at-Home vs Working Parent: Finding a Balance in Postpartum Recovery

Fairness looks different depending on who is at home and who is working outside the home.

• Stay-at-home parent during this postpartum period: This parent usually takes on more daytime responsibilities, but it shouldn’t mean they’re “on duty” 24/7. Once the working parent is home, responsibilities should shift. For example, the working parent might take the baby for bath and bedtime while the stay-at-home parent resets the house for the next day.
• Working parent: While work hours are demanding, coming home does not signal “off duty.” Parenting continues after 5pm. Tasks like bedtime routines, cleaning bottles, folding laundry, or doing the grocery run are all ways to share the load.

It can help to frame things as: the stay-at-home parent works the “day shift,” and the working parent takes on the “evening shift.” Weekends can be a time to rebalance even further, giving the stay-at-home parent more space to rest or enjoy solo time.

How to Make Delegation Feel Fair

The key is ongoing communication and flexibility. Here are some tips to make delegation work long term:

1. List all tasks together – Write down everything that needs to happen in a day or week, from feeding and laundry to paying bills. This makes invisible labour visible.
2. Agree on “ownership” – Instead of one parent always “helping,” divide tasks so both know their responsibilities. For example, one parent might always handle the weekly grocery shop, while the other takes care of laundry.
3. Be realistic about energy levels – If the stay-at-home parent has been up multiple times during the night, the working parent might step in more heavily the next morning.
4. Rotate when possible – Swapping duties occasionally (like who cooks dinner vs who does bath time) can prevent monotony and help each partner appreciate the other’s role.

Caring for Yourself and Each Other

Parenting is not only about caring for your child but also about supporting each other as partners. Postpartum recovery is a shared journey, even if only one parent gave birth. Something as simple as making sure your partner has time to shower, nap, or enjoy a quiet cup of tea can make a world of difference.

When to Seek Extra Support

Sometimes, even with the best communication, resentment can still build. If you find arguments are recurring or you feel unsupported, seeking guidance from a counsellor or parenting support group can help. Many Australian families also lean on community services or relatives during the early months.

Having extra support does not mean you are failing. It means you are recognising the value of teamwork and ensuring both parents’ wellbeing is protected.

Final Thoughts

Dividing parenting duties fairly is about more than who changes the next nappy. It is about creating a system of respect, communication, and support that helps your family flourish. By talking openly, leaning into each other’s strengths, and acknowledging the realities of postpartum recovery, you can reduce resentment and strengthen your partnership.

Fair parenting is not perfect parenting. It is a continuous process of adjusting, listening, and caring for both your child and each other. With this approach, the parenting journey becomes less about keeping score and more about building a strong, supportive family foundation.